Weekly Random Thoughts: 6/18/10

1. In this weeks installment of "Tales from Stall #2"...

After lunch one day, I had to drop a deuce. The regular stall was taken, so I had to go to the handicapped stall.

Sidenote: Does anyone ever worry that one of these days when they occupy the handicapped stall, that an actual handicapped person will come in and need to use it? Wouldn't that be an awkward moment? Do you ask for a few more minutes to finish? Do you hurry up and get the hell out of there as soon as possible? These are things I think of while sitting in the handicapped stall.

Anyway, back to the story. So I'm doing my business and I look down next to me and check out the shoes of the person in the stall next to me. I immediately recognize them as a co-worker of mine. Back to relaxing and trying to do my business...because nobody likes to be stressed while going #2. Out of the corner of my eye, I see something moving. I look back down and to my horror I see, the hugest cockroach I've ever seen. It looked like it was doused in radioactive materials. So the cockroach from the Manhattan Project scampers across the floor in my stall. I lift my legs up off the ground, because I'm legitimately scared of touching the thing. I don't want to stomp on it and get cockroach guts on the bottom of my shoes. Nor do I want it crawling up on me, so I'm trying to finish my business with my legs raised in the air like I'm hiding in the stall and I don't want anybody to see my feet. The whole time, my eyes are glued to the cockroach. I follow as the cockroach makes its way to the other stall and my co-worker yells out, "Holy Shit" and does the same dance that I did (i.e. lifting his feet up off the ground). The cockroach is now pacing back and forth between stalls. It's like the thing knows we don't want any part of it, so it is toying with us. And as the cockroach goes into one stall to another, our feet go up and down like we're in the military doing some weird sort of punishing exercise. A few more minutes of this and it's apparent that neither one of us to kill the thing. So the next time the cockroach leaves my stall; I quickly wipe, flush, and get the heck out of there...I rush to the sink area and wash my hands all while looking back like the cockroach is going to creep up on me like Mike Myers shadow. Then the bathroom doors swing open and in walks the CFO of my company. He makes his way to the urinal, but he stops dead in his tracks. The Hiroshima cockroach has stopped right in front of the stall. My CFO says aloud, "Wow, that's a big one." The two heavyweights engage in a brief staredown as my CFO circles the cockroach...ready to attack. He makes his move and quickly slams his foot down on the cockroach. He looks down towards his foot to investigate the damage, but to his and my surprise...the cockroach is still ALIVE!!! Like a beaten down fighter in the 12th round, the cockroach is dragging half his body back into the stall. My co-worker is still in there and quickly lifts his feet into the air again. My CFO looks at me like this is the superman of cockroaches. He grabs a stack of paper towels and waits for the cockroach to come back out from under the stall. When the cockroach does, he tries to squish it with the paper towels...but the cockroach eludes him. The CFO tries a few more foot stomps, but to no avail. The cockroach has now gained his second wind and is running sprints around the bathroom. My CFO looks at me with a look of confusion and exhaustion. He can't kill the thing. He throws his hands up in the air and says, "This isn't part of my job." He washes his hands, my co-worker now decides to finally leave the stall, and the three of us exit the bathroom like three survivors of a horror movie. Except this time, the survivors didn't win. The enemy is still alive and well. But there will be no sequel...at least for me. Becaue I am never going into that bathroom again.

2. Game seven was one ugly game. It was close and hard fought to the end...but that wasn't good basketball being played. It definitely won't go down as a classic.

I really wanted the Celtics to win too...I'd rather see KG/Pierce/Allen get ring #2, then to see Kobe get ring #5. Now we have to listen to "Is Kobe the best Laker" for the rest of his career...btw, the answer is "No, he's not".

3. Big weekend at the box office as we see the arrival of Toy Story 3. I think this opening is going to be huge, because the movie is rating off the charts. 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, 4 stars and A grades in every publication an online website. Throw in the pent up demand...Pixar's track record...and very little competition. Estimated weekend opening = $120mm.

The other movie opening this weekend is Jonah Hex. This movie is going to bomb big time. Demand just is not there and for good reason. The movie is horrible. I caught an early screening and was bored out of my mind. The movie is 80 minutes long and even that was stretching the story. Megan Fox is hardly in the movie. The action is nothing special or memorable, neither are the FX. So while Josh Brolin plays the character pretty well...the rest of the production is a mess. I don't even think this movie is going to make $10mm this weekend. This is going to be another blow to Megan Fox's career (did anybody see "Jennifer's Body?")...what happened, I thought she'd be a huge star for sure.

4. How awesome was the US-Slovenia World Cup match? What a comeback! The goals by Donovan and Bradley were both insane. But that should have been a victory. The ref's took that last goal away for no good reason. I want an explanation damnit.

So now we go to the last game versus Algeria in control of our own destiny. I'm not sure what to expect. The lackluster play that we have shown early in both games...or the stellar attacking play from the second half of the Slovenia game. All I know is, I will be watching and I'm glad that there is still something to get excited for in game three of the World Cup for US soccer.

That's all I have for this weekend. Happy Father's Day to all the father's out there, especially my dad. A great man. Love you dad.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!