Weekly Random Thoughts: 6/18/10

1. In this weeks installment of "Tales from Stall #2"...

After lunch one day, I had to drop a deuce. The regular stall was taken, so I had to go to the handicapped stall.

Sidenote: Does anyone ever worry that one of these days when they occupy the handicapped stall, that an actual handicapped person will come in and need to use it? Wouldn't that be an awkward moment? Do you ask for a few more minutes to finish? Do you hurry up and get the hell out of there as soon as possible? These are things I think of while sitting in the handicapped stall.

Anyway, back to the story. So I'm doing my business and I look down next to me and check out the shoes of the person in the stall next to me. I immediately recognize them as a co-worker of mine. Back to relaxing and trying to do my business...because nobody likes to be stressed while going #2. Out of the corner of my eye, I see something moving. I look back down and to my horror I see, the hugest cockroach I've ever seen. It looked like it was doused in radioactive materials. So the cockroach from the Manhattan Project scampers across the floor in my stall. I lift my legs up off the ground, because I'm legitimately scared of touching the thing. I don't want to stomp on it and get cockroach guts on the bottom of my shoes. Nor do I want it crawling up on me, so I'm trying to finish my business with my legs raised in the air like I'm hiding in the stall and I don't want anybody to see my feet. The whole time, my eyes are glued to the cockroach. I follow as the cockroach makes its way to the other stall and my co-worker yells out, "Holy Shit" and does the same dance that I did (i.e. lifting his feet up off the ground). The cockroach is now pacing back and forth between stalls. It's like the thing knows we don't want any part of it, so it is toying with us. And as the cockroach goes into one stall to another, our feet go up and down like we're in the military doing some weird sort of punishing exercise. A few more minutes of this and it's apparent that neither one of us to kill the thing. So the next time the cockroach leaves my stall; I quickly wipe, flush, and get the heck out of there...I rush to the sink area and wash my hands all while looking back like the cockroach is going to creep up on me like Mike Myers shadow. Then the bathroom doors swing open and in walks the CFO of my company. He makes his way to the urinal, but he stops dead in his tracks. The Hiroshima cockroach has stopped right in front of the stall. My CFO says aloud, "Wow, that's a big one." The two heavyweights engage in a brief staredown as my CFO circles the cockroach...ready to attack. He makes his move and quickly slams his foot down on the cockroach. He looks down towards his foot to investigate the damage, but to his and my surprise...the cockroach is still ALIVE!!! Like a beaten down fighter in the 12th round, the cockroach is dragging half his body back into the stall. My co-worker is still in there and quickly lifts his feet into the air again. My CFO looks at me like this is the superman of cockroaches. He grabs a stack of paper towels and waits for the cockroach to come back out from under the stall. When the cockroach does, he tries to squish it with the paper towels...but the cockroach eludes him. The CFO tries a few more foot stomps, but to no avail. The cockroach has now gained his second wind and is running sprints around the bathroom. My CFO looks at me with a look of confusion and exhaustion. He can't kill the thing. He throws his hands up in the air and says, "This isn't part of my job." He washes his hands, my co-worker now decides to finally leave the stall, and the three of us exit the bathroom like three survivors of a horror movie. Except this time, the survivors didn't win. The enemy is still alive and well. But there will be no sequel...at least for me. Becaue I am never going into that bathroom again.

2. Game seven was one ugly game. It was close and hard fought to the end...but that wasn't good basketball being played. It definitely won't go down as a classic.

I really wanted the Celtics to win too...I'd rather see KG/Pierce/Allen get ring #2, then to see Kobe get ring #5. Now we have to listen to "Is Kobe the best Laker" for the rest of his career...btw, the answer is "No, he's not".

3. Big weekend at the box office as we see the arrival of Toy Story 3. I think this opening is going to be huge, because the movie is rating off the charts. 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, 4 stars and A grades in every publication an online website. Throw in the pent up demand...Pixar's track record...and very little competition. Estimated weekend opening = $120mm.

The other movie opening this weekend is Jonah Hex. This movie is going to bomb big time. Demand just is not there and for good reason. The movie is horrible. I caught an early screening and was bored out of my mind. The movie is 80 minutes long and even that was stretching the story. Megan Fox is hardly in the movie. The action is nothing special or memorable, neither are the FX. So while Josh Brolin plays the character pretty well...the rest of the production is a mess. I don't even think this movie is going to make $10mm this weekend. This is going to be another blow to Megan Fox's career (did anybody see "Jennifer's Body?")...what happened, I thought she'd be a huge star for sure.

4. How awesome was the US-Slovenia World Cup match? What a comeback! The goals by Donovan and Bradley were both insane. But that should have been a victory. The ref's took that last goal away for no good reason. I want an explanation damnit.

So now we go to the last game versus Algeria in control of our own destiny. I'm not sure what to expect. The lackluster play that we have shown early in both games...or the stellar attacking play from the second half of the Slovenia game. All I know is, I will be watching and I'm glad that there is still something to get excited for in game three of the World Cup for US soccer.

That's all I have for this weekend. Happy Father's Day to all the father's out there, especially my dad. A great man. Love you dad.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!

Mid Week Randon Thoughts: 6/14/10

I had another funny blog entry that I was going to post today, but it just didn't feel like a good time to post it. I need to wait for a few more readers...otherwise it won't make sense.

So to keep you entertained until that happens...here's an early week Mini-Random Thoughts edition:

1. So the Karate Kid is a bona-fide hit already grossing more than the estimated budget of $40mm. Now you know what that means...we'll be getting a Karate Kid 2.

That got me thinking. How many original non-comic book and non-horror movies that spawned a sequel were remade or reimaged to such rousing success that the redo's spawned their own sequels? I mean take away your 'Batman's'...your 'Halloween's'...'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'...what do you have left? Can't think of many can you?

Well, I did some research and although many remakes/redo's/reimagings (or whatever you want to call them) were done where the original had sequels - see 'Planet of the Apes' and 'Psycho' - you'd be hard pressed to find a non-comic book or non-horror movie that emulates 'The Karate Kid'.

As a matter of fact, I could only find one...keep reading to find the answer below.

2. You ever see or hear something and think to yourself...what a simple, yet brillant idea...then ask yourself, "Why didn't I think of that?".

Well my list goes as follows:

a) A TV show centered around a fantasy football league.

b) A movie about two guys who crash weddings.

c) A rap song names "Whoa".

3. I was in Atlantic City in a casino during the US-England world cup match on Saturday afternoon. I was walking around with my girlfriend, while trying to follow the game on my phone, and I see the Brits score an early goal. The U.S. team is down 1-0 and things aren't looking good. Then sometime around the 40th minute, I just hear a loud roar in the casino.

My girlfriend wondered aloud, "Wow, somebody must have won big."

I said no...I bet it's the soccer game. So I quickly look at my phone and refresh the ESPN webpage...1-1. Yep, that cheer was for Clint Dempsey's goal.

And that's how much people were into the soccer game...

4. Why was I in Atlantic City for the weekend? Well let's just say the girlfriend is a big Backstreet Boys fan and they happened to be performing at the Taj Mahal (The things you do for love). So yours truly and a packed house made up of roughly 85% screaming ladies watched the BSB sing all their classics (Ok, I'll admit it...I'm a fan too). As I looked around, I thought to myself...'the odds here are definitely in a guys favor to pick up some chicks."

Well apparently a group of six other guys thought the same exact thing. They came as a group (not a single female friend among them) and prompty ran around hitting on every chick in the immediate vicinity (and some out of)...while dancing and singing along to the songs like true die-hard fans. Too bad they got kicked out for reasons unknown (being too rowdy? Sneaking into the wrong sections that they didn't pay for?? I don't know).

But seriously, how embarrasing is it to tell people that you not only went to a Backstreet Boys concert ten years after they were famous, but you also got kicked out of a Backstreet boys concert ten years after they were famous.

Anyway, the highlight of the show happened as the restless crowd waited for BSB to come out to the stage. The theater was playing music over the speaker system and the crowd was bored. Then Lady Gaga 'Bad Romance' came on. And the first thing you notice is a blond chick stand up in the lower section (say 15 rows back from the front...it wasn't a big theater) and start performing the dance from the 'Bad Romance' video. It's mildly entertaining and the girl is pretty good. She's memorized the video. She doing her thing. You think she's just going to do a few seconds...maybe a minute. But no...she just keeps going and going. Yep, she's doing the entire song. Slowly, all eyes dart towards her and the fans sitting around her move away so she can slide her way to the middle aisle. Now she has more room to really get into the dance. But she's still only decent-good. Then out of nowhere...a male that can only be described as flamboyant pops out from the upper rows. And in complete sychronicity, the one man Gaga dance show becomes two. And the guy absolutely crushes it. Even I was impressed. Now the whole crowd is really getting into it. People are screaming, clapping, even taking pictures and film. Just as it's getting really good a security guard comes in and puts the kibash on the show. And the crowd boos...it was insane. You really had to be there. It was the highlight of the show. I'm trying to find it on YouTube, but there doesn't seem to be any video of it. But trust me when I say...that dude killed it.

And just to show you that I am a proud BSB fan. Here are my three favorite BSB songs:

a) "All I Have to Give" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN0SaNiAhvk&feature=channel
b) "I Want It That Way" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fndeDfaWCg
c) "Shape of My Heart" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dx-hOveXGs

Check back Friday for another blog update...oh yea, and the answer is:

ANSWER: THE PINK PANTHER

Weekly Random Thoughts: 6/11/10

1. How many times does something truly live up to the hype? Think about all those sporting events, movies, vacations, birthdays, dates, sexual experiences…anything that you were looking forward to. Nine times out of ten, you end up disappointed or at least dissatisfied. Which is why Stephen Strasburg is such an incredible story. The man had ridiculous amounts of hype and expectation going into his first major league start. And I joked beforehand, that the only way he could meet they hype and those expectations was if he threw a no-hitter or perfect game. Well seven innings later, two earned runs on four hits (including one home run), and fourteen strikeouts later…dare I say…he surpassed what anyone could have imagined. WOW!!!

I mean how many things actually lived up to the hype?

Off the top of my head…Avatar? The Iphone? LeBron James? Seriously…it’s not a long list.

What happens now will only add to the legend of Stephen Strasburg. All I know is he’s arguably the #1 fantasy player in a keeper league.

2. Is this the weekend that finally excites movie audiences? You have to go back to the first weekend of May, to Iron Man 2, to find a movie that excited audiences and had people lining up outside movie theaters. And to be honest, even that movie wasn’t loved and definitely fell short of expectations. Over a month later and the audiences are sitting around waiting for a movie to spend their money on. They want a crowd pleaser (see ‘Up’, ‘The Hangover’, and ‘Star Trek’ from last year). Could it be ‘The Karate Kid’ or “The A-Team’? I think it might. Both have a chance to do well and make up for a weak May/June slate so far. Early reviews are good (not great). If not this weekend, then soon…there will be one movie that blows past every conceivable expectation. And the movies that are expected to do well - might do even better…because people want to see movies this summer. Just not crap like ‘Robin Hood’, “Prince of Persia’, and ‘Killers’.

Again…off the top of the head. Movies that fall under this category: Toy Story 3, Inception, Twilight: Eclipse, The Last Airbender, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and Salt.

3. Right now is a bad time to travel. Flights and hotels are all marked up higher than last year’s prices. Where are the recession specials?

I think it’s just a dirty trick played by the airlines (also not being helped out by the upcoming merger of Delta and Northwest Airlines); because people are flying more…yet, the airlines have not increased seat capacity. Thus allowing them to charge more for airfare. Chalk it up to just another case of supply doesn’t meet demand, so you have to pay more for it.

4. The NBA finals have a chance to be an all time classic. If you were like me, then you just finished watching a thrilling game four. The series is all tied up at two a piece. Home court is thrown out the window…tensions and emotions are at an all time high (I predict a fight happening soon – or at least an ejection)…and each game features a surprise hero (Game two it was Ray Allen, game three it was Derek Fisher, game four it was ‘Big Baby’ David). I honestly have no idea what to expect for game five. But I do believe this series will be going seven and be a fixture on NBA classics for years to come.

5. Who’s excited for World Cup? I know I am. For the first time ever, I’ve read up on the teams. I know the players by name (and more importantly…the WAG’s). And I’m genuinely interested in the games. Seeing the passion that people feel for the game makes me wish people in this country appreciated soccer more. It is the global game. Of course it would help if the US team were better.

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to catch the US vs. England match on Saturday. I have plans…

6. Bathroom story of the week:

In this week’s ‘Tales for the Stall #2’.

You know how you go to sporting events or family friendly restaurants and you see children using the urinals, except they haven’t quite mastered the unzip and pee routine, so they drop trou (lower one’s pants to one’s ankles) and go pee. Well the other day, I saw someone at work do this. And there was just something wrong about seeing a middle aged man with his pants down to his ankles, in tighty whities, standing there with his dress shirt hanging out…and taking a piss. I mean I’m all for not wrinkling your shirt, but you don’t place wrinkle free over pissing so people can’t see you ass.

7. In sad economic news, the ESPN Zone in Times Square will be closing down on Tuesday. This was a frequent meeting spot for me and my college buddies and I’m sad to see it go. I might have to make one more visit before they shut the doors and close the lights.

That’s all for this week folks. Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!!!

Signs you care too much about your blog.

According to ‘How I Met Your Mother’, blogs hit their peak about eight years ago. And according to my doctor (who recently wrote a diet book), there is no money in blogs. But that doesn’t stop me from spending half my day thinking about my blog.

You know you care too much when you start obsessing over it and doing the following:

1. Every time you meet someone new you always say, “Hey, read my blog.”

2. Every time you see an old friend you don’t say goodbye…you say, “Read my blog and sign up as a follower.”

3. You force your girlfriend and best friend to click on the Google advertisements on your webpage in order to make a whopping $2.07 in advertising revenue. (C'mon...who doesn't need Mechanical Bull Insurance?)

4. You check your blog page hourly to see if someone has written a comment.

5. You get overly-excited when you see a comment posted or a new follower.

6. Your facebook status and twitter feed is a continuous stream of daily links to your blog.

7. When people talk about something you have written about on your blog, you automatically scream out, “I wrote that in my blog.” And then get mad and ask, “Why aren’t you reading my blog?”

8. Anything you do in life automatically becomes a possible blog entry topic.

9. You spend your days thinking of catchy blog titles like “blogbrother” or “You don’t know Jack”.

10. You feel a bond with other people that write a blog. Like you’ve been to war together or something. And you're always down to guest-blog...

So my blog brothers...how many of these do you do every day?

Weekly Random Thoughts: 6/4/10

1. With the NBA playoffs tipping off as I am typing this, please check out another podcast featuring yours truly. My buddy Brock and I breakdown the Lakers - Celtics series like only two experts can.
http://brockangeles.tumblr.com/

2. So my girlfriend is going to watch 'Sex and the City 2: Attack of the Louboutins' this weekend with five female friends. I am debating on whether or not I should go with them. Why? Two reasons.

• I love movies and wouldn't mind seeing the movie (feel free to call me names if you like). After all, I did see the first movie and I thought the first couple of seasons of the TV show were extremely well written and entertaining.
• It would be quite an experience and something I could write about in my lblog. That's prime material right there.

So I don't know readers...what do you think? Should I go?

3. The great Ken Griffey Jr. retired this week. I feel the same way many baseball fans do right now: Sad to see a once great star get old and fade into the background. Glad that I got to see one of the greatest and most exciting players ever in my lifetime. Reminiscing about the time I once had the cherished Upper Deck rookie card in my collection. And wondering what could have been if he had stayed healthy and never left Seattle.

And since I'm reading Bill Simmons 'The Book of Basketball', I feel it appropriate to say that if anybody ever wrote 'The Book of Baseball' and tried to rank the players using a pyramid...Griffey Jr. would be one heck of an argument. He's considered one of the greatest, yet never played in a World Series. Griffey had amazing stats, memorable plays, and the hardware and records. So does that make him the equivalent of Karl Malone or Elgin Baylor? I don't know...baseball is more difficult to compare than basketball. I think football would be more appropriate. Many great NFL players never won the Super Bowl. So after some consideration, I'm going to say that Griffey Jr. is more like Barry Sanders. Both could have owned a presitgious record (most home runs for Griffey, most rushing yards for Sanders), but never quite got there for varying reasons (Griffey due to injuries, Sanders due to early retirement). Yet, both meant so much to their franchises and the cities they played in. Both were also known for their breath-taking abilities...even having that one identifiably picturesque skill (Griffey's sweet swing...Sanders cut back ability). In addition, both never won the big one, but made it to the playoffs a few times. And both are regarded highly by their peers, fans, and media. Lastly, both are players people in my generation will always say, "I was lucky to see him play during my lifetime."

We'll miss you Griffey Jr., but we'll always remember that sweet swing.

4. Caught an early screening of 'Get Him to the Greek', which arrives in a theater near you on Friday, June 4th. I had really high hopes for this movie, but thought it was only OK. It's definitely raunchy and has a few funny moments. But it's a bit long and probably something you'll quickly forget as soon as you leave the theater.

My only question is, "Where does Russell Brand go from here?". I mean, he is Aldous Snow. Can he only play that type of character? I guess I just don't see him playing a straight laced guy, so I'm curious to see what his next movie role will be.

5. A buddy of mine, Doug, made the argument that Lebron has to go to New York because the NBA needs New York and Los Angeles to be good. It's in the best interest of the league. Obviously, the Lakers are fine with Kobe and Gasol (both of whom have a few years left in the tank). But the Knicks haven't recovered from the Scott Layden and Isiah Thomas era's.

While I agree with this argument, I think the answer is not Lebron in NY. But rather Dwayne Wade needs to go to New York. He'll bring a similar level of excitement and competiveness. That'll allow LeBron to stay in Cleveland. Then just give Wade some help (Knicks have the money)...and now you're talking. New York will be good again. Cleveland will be a contender every year. So will Orlando as long as Howard is there. Boston has it's next star in Rajon Rondo. That just leaves Chicago...and Rose and Noah gives them a good foundation. Problem solved. You're welcome, David Stern.

6. My current favorite term to use is 'Gum Dick'. You know what a gum dick is. Just think of that nice person who goes to Costco and buys a bulk sized package of Trident. That person then carries around at least one pack of Trident everywhere he/she goes. And everytime he/she takes out a piece, he/she always is nice and offers a piece to every one standing or sitting in the vicinity. Because that's the nice thing to do. Unfortunately, you always have that one person who just has to say no. Becaus that person is...a 'Gum Dick'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GITSZUEqaL8

7. Did anyone check out my guest blog last week? That was some of my finest work in the blogosphere world. Guess my readership will never grow...

8. I've noticed that I spend a lot of time at work in the bathroom. And there's always a story or a funny/weird thing that happens in there. Whether it was the previously mentioned (see April's weekly random thoughts post) question of whether you say 'bless you' when in the stall...to the guy who doesn't wash his hands...to the guy who has to answer his phone while on the toilet or even at the urinal...to the strange conversations you walk into between your boss and manager while you are awkwardly sitting in the stall taking a #2. I think this would make for a great blog idea..."Shit that happens when I go to the bathroom at work." Heck, I might even make something I write about each week.

Anyway, this weeks story:

There are two urinals at work. One is higher up than the other. I guess this is for people of varying heights. One day I walk in and the higher urinal is occupied. I'm not one to wait, so I walk up to lower urinal and start to do my business. The guy next to me gets done and is quickly replaced by another guy who walks in with perfect timing. The new guy standing next to me unzips and their is a brief moment of silence...you know, except for the sound of us peeing. Then the guy looks over at me and says, "You know that urinal is for little boys. This one is for men." Another pause. I smile and give a fake laugh. Then I turned and pissed on his shoe. I zipped up...and said sarcastically, "Good one". What a 'Gum Dick'.

(PS - I made up the last three sentences.)

That's all I got for this week. Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend every one.