I've been lazy with the blog lately, but a series of incidents have occurred at work that inspired me to write again.
What is this serious incident?
Before I get into it, let me start by saying I work for a company that is nice enough to provide free snacks and drinks on a daily basis. Right around 3:30pm, the pantry is fully stocked with bags of chips/popcorn/pretzels, cookies, granola bars, and cans of soda. It's a freeloaders delight. However, it is also the scene of the crime.
Cue screen to black. Cue Law and Order music.
Time: 4:15pm
The digitally renacted scene of the crime:
A man or woman walks into the pantry. They are alone. They scan the snack options available. The culprit takes a bag of Lays baked potato chips. The person takes a few steps as if walking to their desk to enjoy an afternoon snack. But wait, he or she is opening the bag right there in the pantry. The culprit reaches in and takes out a chip, shoves it into his or her mouth and chomps away. Then he or she looks around. The culprit remembers the Lays commercial, but misunderstands it. He or she thinks it's "You can only eat one". So this person puts the opened bag of chips back on the counter. Wipes the bag clean for fingerprints. Re-traces his or her steps back out the pantry and quietly leaves the scene of the crime.
This hideous act has been going on for over a year now. At first, it was seldom and infrequent. Lately, it's been daily. The local wannabe criminal investigator's (that being me) take is that the first culprit was acting alone.
For front page headlines sakes, I call him or her "The One Chip Bandit"
But the act has caused an epidemic of sorts, as the criminal action has spread. People think they can now get away with it. So now there are multiple copycats. For example:
"The One Cookie Bandit"
"The One Fruit Snack Bandit"
And worst of all..."The One Chip, one cookie, and one fruit snack bandit"
It's like a movie. The crime happened during act one. The investigators surveyed the scene of the crime. Analyzed all the pieces of evidence. Rounded up the usual suspects.
During act two, we have narrowed down the players.
1. The person who could eat 50 bags of chips, but uses that misconception to trick us all into thinking he or she wouldn't just eat one chip.
2. The person who just wants to be a dick.
3. The person who thinks it's funny.
4. The rich person who thinks he's at home and his maid will clean up after him.
Now it's act three. Will we catch this criminal mastermind red-handed? Or will this reign of terror continue?
Check back as we try to solve this puzzling crime.
Until then...I have a message for "The One Chip Bandit".
If you are reading this...
"EAT THE WHOLE FUCKING BAG OF CHIPS YOU ASSHOLE!!!"
Thank you.
